Softly Speaking Pirate Eyes
Union of Mad Scientists

Emotional Asthma

A pretty pirate from the Lafayette area, Thora the Explora, made this lovely post today:

Tea and Orgy:

…ahahahaha!

My life is a riot.
I’m convinced that it’s all a game, and the bad stuff comes from those who are offended because they aren’t winning. Let’s all just get over our egos, okay? Just for a day, maybe?

 Brilliant, Thora. This leads me back to my question–Is ego stopping world peace? Thank you for being my muse today.

 So, alright. Can we get over our egos? Is it easier for me to get over my own if the lot of you join me? Oh, of course. Please, comment with your own ego freeing bits of humanizing this and that..Leggo Your Ego, etc.

1.I’m solely responsible for accidentally killing the third top show dog in the country, 1997.

2.I suck at finances.

3.A church donation was accidentally mailed to my house and I opened it and spent the few bucks on cigarettes, a breakfast burrito, and iced coffee at Coffee Call. I casted fake voodoo on a boy so he would love me and when it worked, I totally freaked out and have believed in magic since then.

4.I secretly say to myself, quite often: With great power comes great responsibility.  Oh my god, I’m a riot.

5.I once got high in Gulfshores Alabama and wrote a 13 page paper on how I tackled multiple personality disorder, even though…..I don’t.

6.I broke up with you because everyone thought that you were so beautiful and it sucks to be a shadow, not because I thought you weren’t intellectually challenging enough.

7.I used to agree with everyone in my family so they would like me, even when I felt opposite on an issue. I began to do this in social circles until, well, it backfired terribly. I’m still struggling to find that place between rebellion and agreement, where my personal opinion lies.

8.I deeply feel that everyone has a great wisdom/talent inside of them if they choose to give it, and for a long time, I felt that my own great wisdom was just simply to just know that and well….it made me real sad and almost angry. Emotional with myself, for not getting a really cool talent, and with others for hiding their wisdom in a vat of bullshit. So, I started writing and try to pick the lock of bullshit within myself and those around me. Maybe it sounds altruistic, and in this ego freeing exercise, let me say here that I also feel really bad for saying something vaguely awesome about myself.

9.It took me 25 years to realize that I’ve come across condescending to authority of any kind, I had no idea. Dude, I just wanted you to think me bonafide.

10.I have, on approximately 1500 occasions, applied  hypnosis techniques on people to buy whatever I was selling. Granted, salesman do this subconsciously all of the time, but I knew and had methodized it in some self gratifying fashion, and secretly prided/felt a deep ashame for being a grift, a pirate of a different sort.

11.With great power comes great responsiblity, I’d comically whisper in my brain, after selling an overpriced room (total price gauging, robin hood style) to a politician and his secret transvestite lover.

12. I disconnected from my home town so I could deal with an excrutiating shyness that paralyzed my mouth and growth. I bullied people in other towns, I lied and said I rocked until I had conditioned myself to believe it, and eventually forgave myself for being, well, me.

13. I”m sorry, Dad, for failing to see your heartbeat, for failing to show you the heart beat in me. It is still hard for me to pick up the phone, especially when I’m broke because I know you’ll know that I haven’t saved the world yet, much less paid my electricity bill. Frankly, I just want to do something incredible with my genes.

14. I think that it is important to always have more questions than answers, and I wouldn’t feel that way if I hadn’t have responded in a directly opposite fashion for a long time. I exhaled education instead of breathing it, instead of continuing to learn and grow. I’m guilty of a narcissism so great that for years, I couldn’t even read a book or keep a proper job or finish my degree-because I was too busy with the anxiety produced from wondering about myself. Am I beautiful, am I smart, am I worth love, am I exordinary.

What a hard lesson in life, I just didn’t know that I needed to breathe. I smelled a fraud within me, and that was it. Only through seeing the exhaling of bravado and inhaling of those with low self esteem did I even begin to get it. A healthy ego is chi to seek,  where you  believe in yourself as well as others, a tough love of realism and pattern recognition and laid back humor.

In a nutshell, we are a very asthmatic species, hypervenilating in a great anxiety to be amazing for the world and to ourselves. How beautiful are we?

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One Response to “Emotional Asthma”

  1. my humanizing this and that:
    1. i used to think that i was the female reincarnation of jesus. like i was going to start performing miracles and shit. i’m over the jesus thing…..but still not fully convinced that i am not a prophet of some sort.

    2. i’m totally distracted and disoriented by the desire to know what people think about me…. i actually thought for a hot minute that 6 was about me. i tend to do that sorta stuff.

    3. once upon a time i was a wonderfully talented and sexually aggressive misogynist. i could have any lady i wanted and i totally objectified them. my specialty was recognizing and approaching, with a suave mojo, that fence jumping point for “bi-curious” women.

    4. an artist that i admire once told me that my art had the qualities of a maverick. he told me that he wanted to learn my name before everyone else did. dude at that point….my shit didn’t stink and my artistic abilities were untouchable….

    p.s.
    we as a species are as beautiful as we are amazing.
    you are as beautiful as you are awkward.
    she is as beautiful as she is lost.
    and i am as beautiful as i am kind.


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